When we first become engaged to the woman or man of our dreams, we envision a certain amount of perfection that will follow in our marriage. We see our life filled with smiles, laughter, passionate kisses, maybe some children. We don’t dare imagine life without a few little bumps in the road, because after all we are trying to be honest with ourselves.
What happens after we say “I Do” is where the rubber meets the road. All of our hopes and dreams we have separately, jointly and even unspoken ones… all join together. The brightness of a newly married life and romantic adventure wears off a bit. After years it may fade away completely.
Why would this happen? Why is it accepted as part of the way things are when you get married? We should automatically reject that lie and also then understand that marriage is a life long romance that requires us to be vigilant to guard it and our hearts. [Proverbs 4:23] The enemy of our souls is seeking to kill and destroy and our marriage, Christian Marriage, tops his list of things to destroy.
There are a lot of reasons why he does this. Mainly because marriage is holy before God and he hates everything called holy. Another big reason is that when we are married before the Lord, we are blessed, strong and bonded in unity. Literally that must make the devil’s skin crawl. When we remember all these things, we should stand a bit taller and be ever more committed to protect and strengthen our relationship with our husband or wife.
We know that satan prowls about like a hungry lion and breaking a godly marriage is pretty delicious to him. So, how can we strengthen and protect our marriage from that?
It takes a hard and focused stand on the issue. We must eliminate everything, yes every thing, that comes between the husband and wife relationship. If our marriage is full of bickering there is a struggle for power in the marriage. That will take some serious denying of your flesh and giving God control. If we are spending too much time or too much money on “things” or “hobbies” then cut that out too. Sensual movies, sensual books, victorias secret (soft porn!) have no place in your marriage. Ever. Don’t fool yourself if you think you are not affected by it. Your eyes & heart should only be for your sweetie. God’s word is clear on the matter.
Our children, according to scripture, are NOT ahead of our spouse. The Biblical order to your priorities is
5. Other family, Friends, Serving in Church
6. Exterior world
When we are at worship practice 3 nights a week, playing video games or out with friends frequently, shopping for kicks, on the net chatting or facebooking, texting, at soccer practice & games, pta meetings, television, netflix and so on… we are spending way too much time NOT being married or a family. We have our priorities out of whack.
Of course then, the result is we will have a cascading failure of our marriage and family.
If we take the time to prioritize our walk- God first, Our husband or wife second- then our life will shift back into proper focus. No longer will chaos, busyness, fighting, power struggles, passive aggressive remarks and behavior, sexual problems in the bedroom and our children’s behavior plague us. All of these things do straighten out if we genuinely turn all of this over to the Lord. Sometimes it takes more time than we prefer, but that is part of healing oftentimes.
On the subject of our bedrooms, it is a taboo topic for some reason in the Church. Secret sin abounds in this area and many are hurt and broken-hearted. It is not a place to manipulate, coerce or avoid and make excuses. The marriage bed is pure and holy and good and safe. A place of trust and intimacy. God says so in Song Of Solomon, “Drink deeply!” Passion and romance are very good and He wants us all to have it. When we begin to treat our husband or wife like they are a treasure to us, with honor, with adoration, we will see a change. Make an diligent effort and do it regularly. Progress may be slow at first, but keep praying and keep up the good work. Your marriage is worth it. Every little step counts. If you need help, a fantastic book “The Love Dare” is a good resource.